My Time Away

To say this past school year was a challenge would be an understatement. I knew that creating a new curriculum for a new course would be challenging. I was prepared for that though, and it turns out, I did it very well. What I didn't know it that my mom would pass away. I was not prepared for that in any way, shape or form.

In early February my mom was admitted to the hospital for food poisoning, but in all the tests to figure out what was causing her vomiting they discovered her pancreas had a very enlarged duct and they were worried about cancer. On February 20th my mom had surgery to have her spleen removed and part of her pancreas due to an enlarged pancreatic duct. She was to stay in the hospital for 10 days for recovery. The surgery itself went great. It wasn't cancer like we feared and the doctor was very positive when he talked with us after surgery. We were euphoric to say the least.

On Sunday, February 26th mom came home. Earlier than expected, but she was going to the bathroom on her own and that's what they were waiting for. Again, good news.

Late Monday afternoon mom started feeling bad. She said that she felt really hot but she was freezing to touch. She also had stopped urinating. My sister called the hospital and they wanted mom to come down immediately. Dad called and said not to worry, don't come down to the hospital. He felt like maybe she had some kidney issues, and she may stay over night, but it would be okay.

At 2am my brother called me asking that I open my front door. He needed to talk to me. I didn't want to open that door, because I knew what he was going to tell me and I didn't want to hear it.

Around 1am on Tuesday, my mom had died.  My dad was with her, but he didn't really recall what happened. They removed him from the room and started doing CPR when moms blood pressure bottomed out. But in the end. They couldn't save her. He was in such shock, he couldn't tell us what caused her death.

In late May we received her teach certificate. Mom died from sepsis.

Reading that on her death certificate was my undoing. I couldn't comprehend it.

I knew my mom. She wouldn't have complained when she started feeling bad. She wouldn't have wanted to worry my dad or have him take her back to the hospital and wait on her again. She would have hoped that the feeling would pass.

But it didn't.

My mom and I weren't BFF's, but she was my mom. And her death hit me harder than I could have imagined. I have not handled her death well and it was a real struggle to get through it. I'm still struggling.

But I know that time heals, and I'm trying to give myself the time I need.

Hopefully, I'll be back to blogging on a regular basis soon. But until then, please say a prayer for me and for my family. They say the first year is the hardest. I'm discovering that it's true.


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